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HALLOWEEN JOKES
- How do ghosts drink their coffee? With scream and sugar.
- How many real vampires are there? None. Unless you count Dracula.
- Did you hear about the gloomy jack-o'-lantern? It needed to lighten up.
- Where do spiders do their Halloween shopping? On the web.
- What do ghosts drink? Mountain Boo.
- What's a zombie's favorite song? "Teenage Scream"
- What's a ghost's favorite dessert? Ice scream sandwich.
- Why can't werewolves play basketball? They get too many howls.
- What's a vampire's favorite TV show? "Big Fang Theory."
FOOTBALL JOKES
1. Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
2. What do football players wear on Halloween?
Face masks!
3. Which two football teams played in the Pirate Super Bowl?
The Seahawks and the Buccaneers.
4. What kind of tea do football players drink?
Penaltea.
5. Why was the Ghost asked to join the football team?
They needed a little team spirit.
6. Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer.
7. Which football player wears the biggest helmet?
The one with the biggest head.
8. Where do football players dance?
At a foot ball!
9. What do football players do when they get overheated?
They get closer to some of the fans.
10. Why did the poor quarterback have his receivers cross at mid-field?
He was trying to make ends meet
11. Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it
12. Why are centipedes not allowed to play on bug football teams?
It takes too long to put their cleats on
13. What did the football coach say to the broken candy machine?
Give me my quarterback!
14. Where do football players go when they need a new uniform?
New Jersey.
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